Wednesday 31 January 2024

Nazneen Ali & Allah vs Spiderman

If Shashi Tharoor recommends an article, it must be crap- right? Let us take a look at the article in the Indian Express he has just tweeted about 


The ‘Amar Chitra Katha’ of a Muslim millennial

I grew up in a modern India protected from religious divisions reading Hindu mythology, singing Christian hymns and attending Quran classes. But in today’s political atmosphere, I wonder if the little Muslim girl curiously reading a Ramayana comic was just a distant dream

Written by Nazneen Ali

she would have started reading Amar Chitra Katha comics when Vajpayee was Prime Minister. It seems this lady doesn't think little Muslim girls can 'sing Christian hymns' or read about Lord Ram in Modi's India. Why is that? Is it because Rahul Baba will scold the little girl and threaten to open a kiosk of Lurve in her bazaar of Hate?  

I would go so far as to say that I first picked up the values of self-sacrifice and love from the Ramayana.

Nope. You picked it up from Mummy and Granny just like the rest of us.  

A year after I was born, in 1992, the Babri Masjid was demolished marking the start of the biggest communal riots in my country.

They were tiny compared to what happened in 1947 when 'Chacha' Nehru became PM.  

As a little Muslim girl who grew up in modern India,

She was about 8 years old when Vajpayee came to power and about 13 when he demitted office.  

I was unaware or rather protected from the religious divisions that were growing wider as I grew taller.

Manmohan did widen religious divisions but he was merely a tool for Sonia.  Meanwhile, the London to which this little Muslim girl emigrated to was part of an alliance which killed 1.3 million Muslims and displaced tens of millions more. 

What I do remember was being fascinated by the Amar Chitra Katha comics that I read as we moved across cities in railway blue boxes. Amongst the various mythological stories animated by the comics, the Ramayana series was one of my favourites. I was enamoured by Lord Ram’s archery skills and his love for Sita, the sense of brotherhood he shared with Lakshman, and the strong friendship he had with Hanuman to rescue his wife from the clutches of evil Lord Ravan. I would go so far as to say that I first picked up the values of self-sacrifice and love from this story.

I recall being fascinated by the Batman comics. It never occurred to me that a big muscular dude shouldn't be hanging around with a kid who didn't even own a pair of trousers but just paraded around in his undies.  

In a parallel universe, in my Christian missionary school, although we didn’t have access to magical comics, we were taught our constitutional rights and concepts of religious secularism using drab black-and-white textbooks. In the scorching assembly heat, we would sing hymns of praise to Lord Jesus while also pledging in unison that “all Indians are my brothers and sisters”.

I went to St. Columba's . We weren't forced to sing hymns.  

Back home, I reluctantly woke up for my early morning Quran classes where I would be told by my creepy Ustad that I would go to hell if I didn’t cover my head. My sister and I would read the poetic verses in the Quran while secretly questioning the myth that was Allah. “Was Allah anything like Ram or Jesus” I would wonder, and “if their paths crossed would they all speak to each other?”

Thankfully, there are now plenty of excellent Muslim schools for girls in Kerala .Their alumni rise up in STEM subjects. I hope they protect their hair and complexion from the Sun by wearing elegant niqab. 

Looking back, my child-like questioning and confusion around my religion was logical. I had this space for doubt because I grew up in a more socialist state like Kerala.

Where the Christians are more militant than in Delhi- which is why the nuns could force her to sing hymns.  

These nuances around faith were not clear to me when I was a little girl. In retrospect, I realise that my romanticisation of communal harmony comes with a lot of privilege.

This girl was being brainwashed by nuns to hate her own religion. Her parents may have accepted this as the price you have to pay in order to get good 'English Medium' instructions for your daughter. Thankfully, thanks to remittances from hardworking Muslim parents, there are now plenty of excellent Muslim boarding schools for girls in Kerala. Let them learn Arabic as well as English and Mathematics. It is a valuable work skill. 


Fast forward to today, where I live in London and speak and think in big English words like liberalism, capitalism, and decolonisation, but still very much question whether a round table discussion with gods would ever happen.

If so, why should Spiderman not be invited?  

This fantasy of mine is naive and probably only worth making a comic out of. There is, however, a strong feeling of grief when I imagine this happening in India, especially today.

In London, Allah will speak politely to Spiderman. In India, Allah will confuse him with Batman and say that he will burn in Hell Fire for what he is doing to Robin.  

The sadness is associated with how my belief around religion itself has changed because just like race and caste, one’s faith can also be divisive in complex societies.

More particularly, if Allah tells Spiderman to stop sodomizing Robin.  

Externally though, the association is linked to the uprising of the Hindutva movement in my country which uses religion as a strong political tool to oppress minorities.

But she says everything was hunky dory under Vajpayee. Still, she must be very happy that in London, Rishi Sunak is ordering the bombing of Muslims in Yemen.  


I usually distract myself from these thoughts now with God-like Instagram algorithms that loyally feed me pointless content on cats, self-love and Bollywood celebrities going to the gym.

This little girl is mentally retarded. 

A far stretch from Amar Chitra Katha

which was for Lord Ram 

and constitutional rights,

which affirms the duty of the Central Government to obey the Supreme Court- which ordered the building of the Temple 

but my feed is filled with stories of the Ayodhya Ram Mandir inauguration and the mass celebrations around it.

Why are Hindus celebrating? Don't the know that Allah has just beaten up Spiderman in the belief that he had been sodomizing Robin?  

Praise for the government for fulfilling the promise of a new dawn with the return of Lord Ram left me feeling perplexed.

This little girl doesn't get that Hindus like Hindu temples. They don't care if Allah beats up Spiderman under the impression that he had been buggering Robin.  

Somewhere between a post of Kangana Ranaut screaming “jai shri ram” ecstatically,

Kangana does not scream. She has a well modulated voice.  

a cat wearing a lehenga and a pseudo-liberal posting a screenshot of the constitution of India — a post on “embracing your INNER CHILD”

but, as Allah explained to Spiderman, embracing inner child does not mean shoving your dick up its arse.  

stood out to me and I wondered if the little Muslim girl curiously reading a Ramayana comic and singing “showers of blessings” was just a distant dream.

My advise is, join Rahul Baba's Yatra and you will once again have the IQ of an 8 year old child. Make this dream into a reality! After that, you can tell Allah to stop beating Spiderman. Robin's anal cherry remains intact. Then Kanganaji will come to you with tears in her eyes and say 'little Muslim girl! You have opened my heart to Jesus! I will now attend nice Convent Skool and acquire pukka Inglis accent. Then all those snobs in Malabar Hills will invite me to their parties.'  

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