Monday, 18 January 2016

Mein Kant- Chapter One- Rise of the Philosopher Penguin.

In 1963, a drunken penguin with delusions of grandeur escaped from the Bonn Zoo by pretending to be the new born child of a passing Tam Bram couple. Sadly, the penguin- though correctly predicting that Bonn would one day be ruled by a South Indian- had attached himself to the wrong family. In any case, after the fall of the Berlin Wall, Bonn's potential to become the seat of a more larcenous Fourth Reich greatly dwindled, which is why the penguin in question does not resent Herr Ashok Sridharan, the current Mayor of the latter City, too much.

Nevertheless, the above factum creates a scandal for a stare decisis Kantian Jurisprudence because the philosophical penguin's life-plan as conceived in 1963- i.e. well before Herr Sridharan's birth- would class with, for wrongly perceived as res judicata, uncontested Deduktionsschriften which- had the legitimacy of something like the Hague Concert of 1710 been prolonged in the manner Kant valorised- would have validated the following imputatio legis- 'It is the undersigned author, not any subsequent interloper with a South Indian name, who should be lording it over the Germans from their legitimate Capital City of Bonn and launching blitzkriegs against those bastard cousins of mine in Hampstead and T.Nagar and San Franfuckingcisco who still tease me for waddling around at weddings jutting out my belly which is like totally insensitive dude coz, let me tell you, for your kind information, it's no picnic being a flightless bird.'

The objection that some necessary imputatio facti is lacking for the above to hold is easily defeated by pointing out that I'm a fucking penguin dude. Qaestio juris can only be settled by me coz like fuck anybody else knows about what fucking law applies to fucking drunken penguins with South Indian names who were born in fucking Bonn? Get a grip.

No comments: