Sunday, 18 May 2014

Why Modi is the new Hitler

Far from being semi-literate Naipaulian 'mimic men', Indian Public intellectuals have an abiding interest in, and deep understanding of, European Philosophy and Social Science.

Furthermore, great Indian scholars, like Guha, Chakroborty, Bannerjee, Chatterjee, Bananaji, Mangoji etc, have made very significant and subtle contributions to the Marxist Theory of History.

Thus, the Indian elite's equation of Narendra Modi with Adolf Hitler is not, as many in the West consider it to be, merely a rhetorical trope. Rather it is based on the following unassailable facts- to wit
1) Hitler wasn't German. He was Austrian.
2) Austria and Italy were often at war.
3) Austrians are of two types- those who yodel, like the Von Trapp family, and those who don't yodel- actually there was only ever one Austrian who didn't yodel- viz. Adolf Hitler- who made long bombastic speeches instead.

Now consider the following equally incontrovertible facts-
1) Soniaji is Italian. Hence some Austrian or other is bound to come and pick a fight with her. Narendra Modi did in fact come and pick a fight with her. Hence he is proven to be Austrian.

2) Modi is an Austrian who doesn't yodel, thus he must be Adolf Hitler and, what's more, isn't even trying to hide the fact because he too gives long speeches! I mean, just look at the shameless of the man! At least he should try to yodel once in a while to try to throw us off the scent! Why not hire a playback singer or just mime to the Julie Andrews' song in the Sound of Music? Would that be too much to ask?


  1. Chiranjivi Windwheelji,
    Thank for your complaint re. lack of yodelling in Narendrabhai's speeches.
    Party cell has now investigated the matter and submitted its report.
    Their finding is
    1) Complaint re. yodelling deficit is well founded re. period between 2004 to 2014. However this was due to adverse atmosphere created by anti-yodelling Italian regime of Madam Sonia
    2) Since Congress has demitted office, yodelling activity has increased by a percentage approaching infinity. Modi started yodelling 'acche din aane wale hain' immediately after Rudra Abhishek ceremony at Varanasi as indeed is counselled by Sacred Scriptures.

    Thank you once again for your complaint Windwheelji. Only by listening to erudite and esteemed critics such as yourself can we achieve inclusive growth.
    BTW as part of Kashi Safaai program we are requesting you to kindly take shower occasionally and at least wash your filthy skid marked chaddi once in this Millennium.
    Jai Hind!

    1. My dear Mr. Shah,
      It is a clear proof of your backwardness and lack of culture that you mistook my elegantly written email for the work of some damn native from Kashi.
      I am long time London resident, I will have you know.
      Your remarks about my chaddi just show your low mentality.

    2. Dear Windwheelji,
      I know you are London resident, you mentioned it umpteen times in your email. Still, fact is, we can smell your chaddi from here. If you washed it and had a shower there will be an appreciable rise in Air Quality for the people of India. Please Windwheel bhai, do us this one favor. Rest we can manage on our own.

    3. And so it begins. This is the thin edge of the wedge. We have only ourselves to blame. For Evil to triumph it is sufficient that Good men do nothing. This is the guilt I have to live with. I brought this on myself.
      To paraphrase Pastor Bonhoeffer 'First they came for the flies, but I did nothing. Then they came for the turds, but I did nothing. Now they are demanding I wash my skid marked chaddi and who is there to speak up for me?'

    4. I think you mean Pastor Niemoller, not Bonhoeffer.

    5. Bastard! I will hunt you down and beat you with my hockey stick!

  2. Actually, come to think of it, that quotation should read- 'First they came for the psychotic genocide advocates- like the Communists and the hard line S.A Browshirts like Rohm- whom they killed then and there. We did nothing because it was a case of good riddance to bad rubbish. Unfortunately, the guys we were paying so that we didn't need to cut throats ourselves- the Army and the Police and the Judiciary- betrayed us and there really was nothing we could do except run away or keep our head down. We have nothing to reproach ourselves with except not emigrating while we still could.'
    For Evil to triumph it is sufficient that Good Men do something which will show that they are not good at all because, generally speaking, that is the truth of the matter. Also, if you live in a State ruled by guys with skull insignia on their buttons, get the fuck out.