Monday, 6 June 2011

Baba Ramdev, corruption, and the drain theory of poverty.

Why are some people rich and other people poor? Drain theory has the answer. Rich people get up in the middle of the night and break into the homes of poor people and drain away their wealth.
A famous example of this was the East India Company. When it was set up, England was very poor and India extremely rich. All this changed when John Company arrived in Calcutta. Every night, wicked English colonialists would break into the homes of Indian people and drain their wealth. Kumarappa was a great Indian economist who got quite upset about this. Mahatma Gandhi, with money from Dalmia, launched a Salt agitation which in some occult manner signaled his disapproval of the British habit of draining Indian wealth. Unfortunately, the dainty British Queen- Lord Mountbatten, as she liked to be called- took offense at Gandhi's oblique comments re. her tendency to get up in the middle of the night and go drain wealth from sundry Indians sleeping in their hovels. That's why the British pulled out of India, claiming they had to go home to change for gym or that they had an over-due library book or something.

With the departure of the British, India became very rich. However some poverty remained visible. Why? How?  The answer has been found by great geniuses like Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev.  Corruption is the cause of poverty because it is a type of wealth draining.
The correct way to tackle the problem of poverty is by going on a fast-unto-death for a day or two. However, you must make sure that your fast is not supported by the R.S.S. If it is, the Govt will beat you due to you are indulging in what's called 'Communalism'- which FYI, boys and girls, is a very bad thing- unless represented by Shaheed Osama bin Laden in which case it is perfectly Secular and Socialist and Scientific- all of which are very very good things.

The question now facing us is how can we get rid of corruption? Anytime someone starts a fast-unto-death those pesky RSS guys might decide to support it- in which case it turns into something very evil and bad called 'Communalism'. What, then is the alternative?
The answer is- instead of tackling corruption we must address the problem of poverty. C.C TV, infra red monitors and state of the art, armor plated bank vaults must be installed in every jhuggi, jhompdi or other sort of hovel in India. When the rich people come out of their mansions to drain India's wealth, they should be caught in hi-tech titanium nets solar powered by 'Out of control' intelligent nano-bots in an environmentally sustainable manner benchmarked for Total Quality Management within a Gender and Development paradigm stressing transparency and subsidiarity. By the miracle of for-profit Micro Finance, the whole thing can be done just by lending a little old lady in India $0.27.
Could someone tell those lazy buggers at the Post Office to get off their keysters and kindly send me my Magsaysay 'Right Livelihood' award already?


Anonymous said...

Baba Ramdev fleeing in women's clothes! Say what you like, this clown makes Anna Hazare look good.

Vasu Pandita said...

Man you are awesome. I am just loving reading your writings.