Thursday, 7 March 2013

Object oriented Ontology & Hugo Chavez's last horcrux

As opposed to my own entirely novel theory of ontological dysphoria, Object Oriented Ontology (OOO) is nothing new. In ancient Byzantium, according John Julius Norwich, it was believed that the soul of a thing or being might be distributed across a number of disparate physical entities- an old tavern sign, a mole on the face of a Chemistry teacher, a cart horse, a mulberry bush.
Similarly, behind the 'Masters of Suspicion'- Marx, Nietzche, Freud et al- lay even more profound Pundits of Paranoia and Sages of Schizophrenia for whom the horcruxes of the bourgeoisie were as much in the commodities they fetishized as in fetishes that led them to, as the Big Lebowski said, treat objects like women, and commoditize heteroclite conjunctions of things- the smell off coffee, eighteenth Century maps, the prose of Stevenson, being sodomized by Pinochet, the color of lianas in bloom, being sodomized by Pinochet, saying things twice, being sodomized by Pinochet, saying things thrice, the neighbor's cat who conspires with Mossad to steal my toothpaste replacing it with a product identical in every respect but up to three percent less effective in fighting plaque.

It is in this context that though Hugo Chavez is dead, for Object Oriented Ontology and the great mass of the Venezuelan people, his Revolution lives on for its horcruxes are to be found wherever an Industry is fucked over by bien pensant price controls and an Economy is sodomized in the name of Ecology or Egalitarianism or the Empowerment of Educationally Backward Cats wot are stealing my toothpaste.
Fuck you cats- I will get even.
Personally, I blame David Cameron.
That boy aint right.

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