Five years ago, the Guardian said Modi's victory would be bad for 'soul of India'. But it had given up reporting on the news in India many years previously. This is because it has attained a higher metaphysical state where 'souls' and 'essences' have become visible to it. Yet, it is the Guardian whose reputation has declined. Contrary to what is predicted, Modi has been seen to be very good for India and, under his stewardship, India has become very good for the world. This was revealed during COVID. Did the Guardian resile from its position? No. It doubled down on its racism and stupidity.
On the twelfth of April, 2024, Simon Tisdall wrote in the Guardian
A nagging doubt plagues world leaders wooing India: whose side is Narendra Modi really on?This is nonsense. Modi has been in power for ten years. Nobody has any illusions or doubts about his policies. He pursues his country's interests just as previous Indian Premiers have. There is a transactional element to this but Modi thinks strategically with a twenty year horizon. This involves a more sophisticated version of Nehruvian non-alignment which does not bother trying to lecture the West or posing as Holier than Thou. Instead, there can be long-term strategic partnerships in various key economic and defense related areas. What India won't do is join any virtue signaling forum which babbles about Democracy and Human Rights while slaughtering random Muslims.
His cult-like status is likely to hand him victory in the coming elections, but to democracy’s cost
This is foolish. He is good at his job and so he has a fan club. The same was true of Sachin. But, the reason Modi will win a third term is because his only rival is the moon-calf Rahul.
Suddenly, everyone loves India.
No. The West wants to pretend that India will be a counterweight to China. But that didn't work in Kennedy's time and it won't now.
But it’s an affair, not a marriage.
It isn't even an affair. There are business transactions. Nothing more. It is Pakistan which remains the US's major non-NATO ally. Still, under Modi, there is a growing partnership with France and Japan. But they aren't exactly rising powers.
Whether it lasts depends on the consequences of this week’s watershed election.
Don't be silly. Everyone knows Modi will win. This means India will continue to grow. This means it will have more bargaining power. At some point, it may start shitting on the West anytime the West decides to shit upon it. But, why bother? Incontinence of that type is merely a sign of senility.
At stake are the credibility of Indian democracy
to whom? Fuck do Indians care what Whitey thinks?
and, potentially, the country’s future as a cohesive unitary state.
That future is now assured. Agniveer is a game changer. India can put ten million young soldiers on its frontiers without blowing the budget. Indeed, a few years in the Army would raise employability for hundreds of millions of Indians. The thing will pay for itself. Because of demographic decline in China, India will increasingly have the upper hand on its frontiers.
Courting India as a counterweight to China, the US is ardently pursuing a deeper security relationship.
Biden can't push shit. If he gets re-elected, Quad might have some credibility. But he is bound to disappoint sooner or later.
The EU hankers after a free trade pact.
Everyone wants a pact by which they get to fuck over everybody else. The point about trade is that even if it is free, one side tends to get more of the gains from trade.
Countries ranging from Australia to Norway to the UAE have already forged bespoke deals.
Australia genuinely has an interest in building ties. The UAE may not be very stable. Norway doesn't matter.
France greedily eyes a growing market for its weapons manufacturers. For Germany, India is an $18bn land of export opportunity. Britain, the former colonial power, is a keen suitor too – though frustratingly for Raj romantics, a post-Brexit tryst is on ice.
This is because India is a growing market. But Nirmala is already signaling that India will be doing import substitution or insisting on technology transfer. This isn't an administration which gives a fuck about the urban elites.
The western democracies are not alone in wooing Delhi. Russia
which is an old friend
offered a sweetheart deal on cut-price oil when Ukraine sanctions bit in 2022.
It was mutually beneficial.
The feeling is mutual. India’s government cheered when Vladimir Putin won last month’s bogus presidential “election”.
India congratulates whoever wins whichever election- if it is in its interest to do so. But, had Trump been POTUS he'd have congratulated Putin as well.
India sits awkwardly on the Ukraine fence.
No. It has offered its services as peace-maker. What matters is that it has protected its people to a reasonable degree from the 'supply shocks' re. grain and gas prices caused by that War. Imran Khan, it will be remembered, turned down Biden's invitation to the Democracy Summit in order to visit Putin. But the Pakistani economy was weak and Imran says the American insisted that he be arrested and fraudulent elections be held.
Saudi Arabia too snubbed Biden in favor of Putin. But, its economy is strong. Qatar, under American protection, overturned American power in the region by sponsoring Hamas. America may cut Israel loose and run away from the MENA. This may actually help Israel. Why be tied to a decaying military industrial complex? It can earn more in international arms markets while focusing on new technologies which are 'cheap, small and 'out of control'.
Now, it appears, the American voter is cooling on Ukraine, the EU may have to shoulder much more of that burden. Ultimately, the fence may shift- Europe may accept the status quo in Ukraine- and grow deferential to the growing power of a vast Eurasian power-block under Chinese leadership
It treasures its post-independence, non-aligned legacy,
because the power of the West is decreasing. Non-alignment is now more viable than ever. But, long run, only the economy matters.
and has not forgotten cold war-era Soviet links.
Putin will still use his veto on India's behalf in the Security Council.
Through the G20 and an enlarged Brics – the organisation comprising Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa, Egypt, Ethiopia, Iran and UAE – it keeps close to the global south, which it aspires to lead.
Not any more. China will dominate BRICS. India was trying to create an alternative to the Chinese 'belt and road' but Hamas put paid to that.
India’s 1.4 billion population – the world’s largest – youthful age profile and expanding economy – the fifth biggest – are turning it into a modern Klondike.
Nonsense! India is poor. You are welcome to spend money digging for gold where there is no gold but few will rush to follow you.
The Guardian is telling us a morality tale. India is very rich and very beautiful. That is why it is being wooed. But, there are nagging doubts. Modi may not be a vagina. He may be a dick. Instead of fucking India, the West may get fucked by it. This would be cool coz sodomy is cool. But what if the dick up your ass is a NAZI dick? How would you feel then? We must all remain vigilant against Fascist dicks due to they might end up the West's virginal, Democratic, ass.
Gold-diggers flock. All stake a claim for Delhi’s attention, influence, markets, skills and tech.
Did you know that gold-diggers flocked to Adolf Hitler? He fucked them in the ass with his NAZI dick. They squealed and squealed. That is what caused him to try to conquer Europe. The message is clear. If you are nice to a country with a lot of gold, but that country is not truly Democratic, then you will be fucked in the ass and when you proudly mention this to your Mummy, she chides you because of all the NAZI jizz dribbling out of your poop-hole. There will be tears before bedtime- make no mistake.
At least, that’s how the prime minister, Narendra Modi, sees it.
Don't be silly. If he really thought this, he wouldn't need to put the bite on Indian industrialists to finance his election campaign. He could get Wall Street to do it.
His Hindu nationalist devotees believe India, a “civilisational state”, is embarked on a benign global mission as a vishwaguru (teacher to the world) under Modi Baba’s sage, cult-like tutelage.
Nope. Vishwaguru means not importing stupid ideologies. Instead, try to become a net exporter in Knowledge based industries. It so happens that Modi does Yoga as does Yogi Adityanath and India did indeed export Yoga to the world. Also, even the Guardian might have noticed, Hinduism and Hindus have both risen in the West. Rishi Sunak may not be much cop as a PM. But he is a nice Hindu boy.
Up to 960 million people will vote during the six-week election, with Modi seeking a third consecutive term. The electorate of impoverished Uttar Pradesh state alone is bigger than that of Brazil. Modi’s ruling hard-right BJP faces a multi-party opposition alliance that includes the once-dominant Congress, but is predicted to win easily.
Because there is no fucking opposition alliance. If Rahul loses his seat in Wayanad, it will be to the CPI- a long time ally of Congress.
Yet let’s pause right there. Amid all this gushing and fawning, awkward questions arise.
Is Nazi dick up our asshole? That would be very awkward indeed.
Is the Modi miracle for real – or an illusion that could disappear into thin air?
He will win. What about 2029? Currently, there is no reason to believe he won't.
For Modi’s infatuated followers, he is an inspirational, divinely anointed figure leading the reunited Hindu nation to long-denied glory.
For Simon, Modi may be a Nazi dick which has already taken the West's anal cherry.
For opponents, he is a narcissistic authoritarian bent on extinguishing India’s democracy and pluralist, secular constitutional traditions.
No. For opponents, he is the leader of the party, or the coalition of parties, they may decide to join if they want to continue to have a political future. If they are too old, it is their sons or daughters who join the BJP. When Rahul won Wayanad, Anthony's son was put in charge of his Malayalam tweets. Now he has joined Modi's party.
Modi’s divisive policies could split the country.
Prashant Kishore says he will get double digits even in Tamil Nadu. The BJP may yet gain the position it currently has in West Bengal- viz. being the largest opposition party even in the deep South.
And for an importunate west, another basic question nags: can he be trusted?
No. You can't trust a guy who knows you are shit. There can be transactions. There can't be any confidence tricks.
India is the key swing state in a global struggle to determine the new world order.
No. It doesn't matter at all. The American 'new world order' has been rejected by its traditional Muslim allies. This is because NATO spent a lot of money killing and displacing millions of innocent Muslims. The Guardian may feel that, as a matter of fair-play, the West should also try to fuck over the Hindus. Sadly, that can't happen if the BJP is in power. The truth is, the Guardian isn't really terrified of Modi's Nazi dick. They are miffed that they can't fuck up India as their ancestors had done.
Whose side is he really on?
India's. He is a muscular Nehru.
The risk of India becoming a democracy in name only – an “electoral autocracy” – is undeniable.
That risk came true in 2004. An Italian lady ruled the country. Manmohan had no power. Corruption burgeoned.
Opposition politicians are in jail or face abusive official intimidation.
Criminals do so whether or not they are ruling party or opposition politicians. BJP politicians are beated or otherwise persecuted in some non-BJP ruled states.
The courts, police and newspapers mostly toe the government line.
No. The government is forced to toe the line drawn by the Bench. Newspapers are welcome to attack anybody or anything though they too may get in trouble for financial offences.
The unbiddable BBC is blatantly targeted.
The BBC, like the Guardian, is a joke. It turned out its Indian branch was evading taxes. It has admitted as much. Still, it is clear that it was only 'blatantly targeted' because Modi wanted to stick his NAZI dick up its virginal poop-hole.
“Modi has centralised power in his office to an astonishing degree,
No. Brajesh Mishra, heading Vajpayee's PMO, had more power. Manmohan in his second term couldn't even choose his own PMO officials. Modi is not a puppet. But, because his Cabinet is cohesive, the PMO isn't ruling the roost in the manner it did under Nehru or Indira.
undermined the independence of public institutions such as the judiciary
the judiciary is stronger than ever. But then it is the Bench which made crucial decisions from which the BJP benefitted. Moreover, Chandrachud, as CJI, has launched a charm offensive. He is now more Hindutva than Modi.
and the media, [and] built a cult of personality around himself,” wrote Krea university’s Ramachandra Guha in an excoriating essay.
Guha is a cretin. Still, in Karnataka, the BJP got booted out. Congress is back in power. But disillusion has set in. Still, it is unlikely that the BJP will gain as many MPs from there as they did in 2019.
“The facade of triumph and power that Modi has erected obscures
nothing. Modi has power because he triumphs in elections. True, this is a facade under which his Nazi dick is taking the anal cherries of libtards all over the world. But, by reading Ramachandra Guha, our anal hymens can grow back.
a more fundamental truth: that a principal source of India’s survival as a democratic country, and of its recent economic success, has been its political and cultural pluralism,
i.e. nice Italian lady running things though an elderly Sikh is the 'prone minister'.
precisely those qualities that the prime minister and his party now seek to extinguish.”
Nehru extinguished 'political and cultural pluralism'. Muslims lost separate constituencies and affirmative action and an equal status for Urdu. But that wasn't what worried them. It was being killed by Congress workers which they objected to. Millions fled India. Later, even wealthier, pro-Congress chose to jump before they were pushed by the Custodian of Enemy property.
Modi’s strength, as embodiment and chief beneficiary of Hindu majoritarianism,
in 1939, the Mahatma said Congress was a Hindu party. In 1946, Muslims voted overwhelmingly for the League while Hindus voted for Congress which did ethnic cleansing just as well as Jinnah's people. The difference was that, India could be less cruel because it had greater state capacity.
is also weakness. Intolerance feeding violence against religious minorities is a BJP hallmark.
It was a hallmark of Nehru's first administration. Indira's innovation was to treat the Sikhs in the same way as her daddy treated the Muslims.
Human Rights Watch accuses it of “systematic discrimination and stigmatisation” of Muslims and others.
But Human Rights Watch is shit. Will the UK release murderous psychotics because it says so? Fuck off.
Echoing his time as Gujarat’s chief minister, when hundreds died in anti-Muslim riots in 2002, Modi initially ignored Hindu attacks on Christians in Manipur last year.
A tribe which is majority 'Christian' started the violence because a High Court had given Scheduled Tribe status to an indigenous tribe which is majority Hindu. The bigger problem is the chaos across the border in Myanmar. Obama & Biden's stupidity contributed to that shit show. India gains if America turns isolationist.
Kashmir is another blackspot.skip past newsletter promotion
Modi has solved that problem once and for all.
If Indians decide to risk the evisceration of their democracy,
by letting nice Italian ladies rule over it through a puppet
that’s their affair. But the west’s conditional love may curdle
The West is shit. Nobody wants its love. A country may promise to love it long time but it will do so with its dick. Why pay to be buggered when you could just shove stuff up your own arse? Voters in the West don't want yet more of their tax-dollars wasted on forever wars.
“The prime minister’s central ideological project is the creation of a Hindu nationalist country where non-Hindu people are, at best, second-class citizens,”
This was achieved in 1947. A Brahmin dynasty ensured that everybody was a second-class citizen relative to the heir by primogeniture.
wrote Yale’s Sushant Singh.
who worked for the Goenkas as deputy editor of the Express. His is not exactly a name to conjure with in Indian political circles.
“It is an exclusionary agenda that alienates hundreds of millions of Indians.”
who alienated the Sikhs?
This, it is argued,
by useless nutters
is fatally weakening the bonds holding India together.
If we want to know about Indian politics, we Google what Prashant Kishore is saying. We don't rely on hysterical nutters like Guha or some lackey of the Goenkas.
Centrally directed partisan policies that aggravate India’s north-south divide, disadvantage opposition-run states such as Kerala and Tamil Nadu, and undercut the federal system contribute to this process of disaggregation.
Nope. They make no difference. Rahul and Stalin are hinting that India permits secession. It doesn't. As the BJP makes inroads in Tamil Nadu and Kerala, this talk of a divide will collapse. Tamils don't want a repetition of what happened in Sri Lanka- viz. a secessionist rebellion which ended disastrously. In Kerala, the sons and daughters of Congress stalwarts will gradually move to the BJP. But, Comrade Vijayan has defeated anti-incumbency once. Who is to say he won't do so again? Kerala needs continuity so as to avoid going off a fiscal cliff.
Yet southern votes are insufficient to prevent a Modi victory – leading some officials there to talk of a “separate nation”.
The Dravidian parties did dream of a pan-Dravidian state. But even the Telugus wanted to get away from the Tamils and intra-state conflict over things like river-water sharing will always trump any problem the Southern States have with Delhi.
If Indians decide to risk national unity and the evisceration of their democracy, that’s their affair.
If Simon wants to shove Big Ben up his arse, that is his affair. However, we must very carefully consider the implications for other similar structures elsewhere. What will happen to the Eiffel tower? How about the Pyramids? These are the sorts of nagging questions which keep world leaders up at nigh.
But the west’s conditional love may curdle. Western governments want India in their corner in the standoff with China and Russia.
They wanted India to join both Gulf Wars. Sadly, India doesn't want to be in the business of killing brown people.
They want India’s business.
They must compete for it. That's how business works.
But they also want a genuine democratic partner,
Biden, being senile, said so. But he wasn't an utter fool. He knew America would have no partner because it didn't offer anybody a square deal. In some cases- e.g. Israel- the tail would wag the dog. In other cases- e.g. Pakistan- the tail would pretend to wag except it wasn't actually a tail. It was a snake coiled and poised to bite Uncle Sam in the ass.
not another dictator with a superiority complex.
Biden had to bump fists with the Crown Prince who lost no time doing a deal with Putin.
They will not continue to look away if, for example, Indian agents persist in assassinating political opponents on their turf.
They are welcome to publicize it so as to help Modi. But without evidence there is little they can do. This is because the guys doing the 'assassinating' are their own citizens or asylum claimants.
The hubris of Subrahmanyam Jaishankar,
a former foreign secretary who became Foreign Minister because he is smart and pushes back against the West when it is in India's interest to do so
Modi’s external affairs minister and close confidant, is instructive.
No. He, like Nirmala, is a technocrat. No one thinks they are getting too big for their boots and getting Modi to do stupid shit.
He writes that India’s priorities should be to “engage America, manage China, cultivate Europe, reassure Russia, bring Japan into play, draw neighbours in, extend the neighbourhood and expand traditional constituencies of support”.
That is what India has done. Yesterday, China said the two countries had made great progress on the border dispute. Incidentally, Jaishankar's wife is Japanese.
Jaishankar calls this “multi-alignment”. In short, Modi’s over-confident India, a nouveau riche superpower increasingly governed by arbitrary fiat, believes it can be all things to all people. It wants to have its galub jamun and eat it.
Nonsense! India is poor. Modi has a long term plan. India could only be classed as a developed economy by 2047. But this entails inclusive economic policies such that risk aversion is reduced and factor mobility increases. As for gulab jamun (not galub jamun) Simon is welcome to stick them up his arse.
That’s a big mistake. In geopolitics, as in life, first principles
don't matter at all. You must do whatever is necessary to stay alive. You must not do stupid shit as a matter of principle.
are important. Leaders and nations must ultimately stand and be counted
for some shite Simon pulled out of his arse?
– or else end up unloved and despised by everyone.
only by Simon. He is deeply unhappy that though he is pulling 'galub jamun' out of his arse, Modiji is refusing to eat it. UN should take action. Until and unless India is reconquered by the White man, those damned Hindus will refuse to eat the Guardian's shit.
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