Eclairs are racist.

This evening, I stopped off  at the bakery on my way home and bought a box of chocolate eclairs to hand round at work tomorrow.

Imagine my horror when, opening the box, one of the damned things attacked me in a manner wholly vicious and unprovoked! I swear, it was as though it wanted to bite my face off! I am a strict Gandhian, but this was a case of eat or be eaten.  

Clearly this was an example of a new type of racism targeting middle aged Hindutva intellectuals, like myself, who are trying to diet. I tried establishing a dialogue with the rest of the eclairs, but they simply wouldn't listen to reason. Each and every one of them hurled itself at me like a kamikaze pilot or a jihadi suicide bomber!

When will this madness end? Why can't we all just get along?

Another tragic victim of racist food items.